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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Nervous About Ninjas...

Firstly, I want to mention that I was able to recover most of LA Ninja II: Rise of the Cartel.  I did lose a lot of work, but I’m going back through it now.  Those are the breaks, I guess.  I don’t know how else to look at it.  It totally fucking sucks that it happened, but since I do not possess a magic portal that could take me into the past to change things, then there’s nothing I can do.  If I did have one, I wouldn’t go back to that point anyways.  I’d go way back and change a whole lot of shit.  It’s stupid to think about, and it’s a waste of time, but I always think about things I’d change if I had a time machine.  But enough of that crap. 

Secondly, I saw a trailer for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie.  I remember being a youngin’ when the first movie came out, way back when, and I thought it was cool at the time.  As lame as the kids today might think it is, at that time, the filmmaking of TMNT was cutting edge. 

As a ninja fan and a writer of two ninja books, it is both exciting and nervous for me to know that this movie is coming out.  I hope that it generates interest in the ninja genre, which may also bring new readers to my stories.  I am hopeful and excited for that.  But I’m nervous too.  What if TMNT generates a new spawn of movies of this genre?  What if my story gets remade or told in some version close to mine without it actually being mine?  In other words, what if I’m left out to dry?

I guess that is the risk and also the way things go.  The truth is that my LA Ninja stories will probably never reach a large scale audience, which in my opinion would suck.  I love LA Ninja.  The story is so gripping to me, and it is one that I’d love to see made into a screenplay and movie.  It is a movie I’d love to see.  Fucking eh it is!  And as far as that goes, the novel itself continues to be read by many, and even though only a few reviews exist, they are all positive ones.  That counts for a lot, and even if we don’t make it to the big time with our tale, at least a few others out there have shared in the story with me.  Thanks to all of you!  -Adrian

PS.  Oh, by the way, if anyone is interested in taking a stab at writing LA Ninja into a screenplay with me, please let me know.  I’ve never written one, and although I think I can cut one out, I am so entrenched in the other projects I have going on.  Since I don’t have endless time, that means I have to prioritize, which means new novels receive precedence.  Anyhow, let me know if you’re out there and wanna a piece of it.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Total Disaster

Today was the worst day ever.  The worst thing that could happen to an e-writer like me, happened.  I lost my book.  Get this, you won’t believe it.  I was on the last few paragraphs of my book.  Literally.  I had proofed it, edited it three times and got the cover done.  It was LA Ninja II.  My best work so far.  And poof!  It’s gone –not totally, but pretty big time.

Sigh…I’ve had a couple of cocktails tonight, in what should have been celebratory, but is now for condolence.  It sucks so bad.  I lost at least a month of work.  Luckily, I have a backup on CD from February, so I’m not totally Fubar, but it’s still bad.  I have to go back and rewrite what happens.  Maybe I have a chance to better the story and improve it, you might think, but I don’t see it that way.  It was perfect to me.  I had it right.  The story was money.

I truly don’t know how to explain things like this.  From a purely technical standpoint, what happened was mere probability.  I’ve lost things before.  Honestly though, as computers and programs progress, the probability of this type of disaster dwindles.  I trusted too much.  I knew better, too, which was why I had a backup to begin with, but I got sloppy towards the end.  I had my eye on the finish line and I got careless.  Fuck.  That’s all I can say.  Fuck.

Sigh…again.  Anyhow, that’s mostly why I haven’t posted much lately.  I’ve been rocking that shit out.  It was awesome, and now I have to go back.  I guess it’s like running a marathon and just before the finish line, you realize that you have to go back 6 miles and change your shoes and finish the race.  Or maybe, you go through a pregnancy, and go through the birth and just before you get to see the crazy love child’s face for the first time, God puts you back at month 7.  I don’t know.  That’s the best I can come up with at this moment. 

I will make sense of this disaster and report it out soon.  See y’all later, and I hope you’re having better luck than me. Peace out.  -A

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Hot Girls Farting

The Fart Girl Poem

hot girl, hot girl, a work of art;
hot girl, hot girl, why must you fart?
a beautiful flower you are, so much;
but what is this, this, dust you thrust? 
so pretty, so sweet, so raunchy, so cheap;
so gentle and soft, you just belt it and scoff; 
a rumble of the buns, then a laugh then a run;
drop bass, make haste; I think I can taste;
one kiss, quick, then float the biscuit;
the spark in your eyes, then fart and disguise;
blame him, blame her, blame them;
oh hot girl, you farter, you farter.

I think it’s funny that the first poem that I’ve ever written turns out to be about hot girls farting.  That is so me.  And it goes to show why I’m not a poet.  I can’t write music lyrics, which is basically what I think poetry is.  It took me days and several tries just to write this stupid one about hot girls farting, and it still amounted to very little -just mostly hot air (ba-da-dum!).

I am writing the piece just as an observation and commentary on modern life and modern people.  And of the great many things that I’ve observed, one is that chicks are now open farters.  Hey, don’t get me wrong, this guy thinks it’s great.  I like pretty much any situation where women are doing things that traditional men have done or said that women shouldn’t or couldn’t do.  That may be as big as hold a CEO position, be President, or be as small as talking, laughing with their mouths open or, in this case, farting.  More power to you, girls.  Fart on!

Ok, so a certain someone that is very close to me and also under the age of two, let’s call her “Jane”, likes to fart.  I know she likes it because she laughs about it all the time.  I do too.  She farts, I laugh.  I fart, I laugh.  Childish?  Absolutely.  I am quite so, on many things.  I’ve fallen into laugh attacks when people have dropped huge farts while using the urinal at the bathroom at my job.  I think it’s funny, what can I do.  So Jane farts a lot.  And it’s because she is healthy.  She eats a very balanced and nutritious diet loaded with fruits, vegetables, legumes, all balanced with some healthy fats, animal protein, and breads and cereals.  She gets the occasional sugar too, through cinnamon cookies and yogurt.  We are not monsters, after all. 

So when Jane, who eats better than we do, farts, we think it’s supposed to be like that.  After all, she has the ideal diet.  I asked myself if I was going to try to teach her that farting was wrong to do in front of people and that she should make an effort to hold it in or go to the bathroom to do it.  That seemed wrong, though.  I mean really, who does that?  I bet a lot of people.

I asked my wife about it, and she quickly pointed out that it was not only more accepted to fart openly, but that her friends from work fart all the time.  That’s when things began to formulate in my mind.  Fortunately, Jane is lucky to be blessed with looks.  She is going to be a beautiful woman someday, and even though it hurts me to describe it so, she is going to be a hot girl.  More than that, she is going to be a hot girl farting, and she is going to own it.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Happy New Year: Update

Now who’s a happy guy?  This guy right here, that’s who!  The biggest and best present to me this holiday was that from the Latina Book Club in their great review of PUMPS.  Although I have only gotten positive and sometimes, extremely positive feedback on PUMPS, I was on pins and needles for this one.  To actually have someone from the industry give props to my story is the ultimate compliment of all.  The Latina Book Club’s review of PUMPS came in on December 23rd, just in time to float my boat soaring so high into the air that I still haven’t come down yet.  By the way, if you haven’t checked out the reviews and recommended readings by the Latina Book Club, you should definitely get over there.  They are promoting books related to the Latino community, which is a great thing in my opinion.  It’s good to know that someone is doing it.  They are great!

Now onto the typical rants that have come to makeup the material on this blog, here goes today’s puff piece.  We are at the start of a new year.  I am on the last day of two weeks off from my regular 9 to 5 day time job for Christmas vacation.  It’s been a glorious 2 weeks of doing nothing. 

It turns out that my brain has decided to take the entire vacation off.  Where I should have been using this time to hard charge it on writing LA Ninja II, I have been bullshitting around playing video games and staying up late watching old reruns of Martin and In Living Color.  I mean, what a serious waste of time.  But it won’t be something that I feel too bad about.  I know that about myself.  When I take a vacation, I completely unplug and stop work, including working out, reading and writing.  Conversely, when I’m back to work, I’m back to work on everything.  It’s just the way I’m wired, I suppose.

It’s been fun though.  My daughter who is only 21 months old kind of got the idea of Christmas, at least the lights and Santa Claus.  It’s kind of amazing to see the world around you transform with decorations.  Seeing it through a first timer’s eyes like hers slows it all down for me and makes me think about the little things.  She didn’t quite understand the presents or the idea of Jesus and God though.  I can’t wait to try to explain that one, haha.  Santa Claus and God, that’ll be fun to explain.  It was fun to watch Christmas through her eyes, but in the end I think she liked Halloween far more.  We’ll see how that turns out next year.

Other than that, the weather’s been pretty shitty.  I hate talking about the weather, especially because it is closely associated with classic “small talk”, but it is always on my mind.  The whole two weeks has been nothing but Sahara desert type heat waves.  Now I don’t care what you say about it being colder than a witch’s tit on the east coast, or in the Yukon or in whatever arctic-like conditions you deal with.  The weather being sunny and hot every single day of every single year is annoying. 

Ungrateful am I?  No.  I love the “mediterranean” type of climate we have here in San Diego, I just hate the Santa Anas; they are hot and they cause nosebleeds.  Would it be too much to ask for a few days of rain?  How about we go from 80F to maybe 66F?  We took the baby to Lego Land and the little lego men were building shade canopies.  We went to the zoo and the camels were eyeballing my water bottle.  Plus, our plans to drive out to the local mountains to see snow went to shit.  There was none.

Anyways, I know I’m alone on this issue, well, not entirely.  My wife shares my disdain on this issue.  But besides us, every other San Diegoan thinks I’m nuts when I bring it up.  They love the Santa Anas, if you can believe that, which brings up the last thing I’ll say on the topic.  I think the constant sunny weather fouls up the brain receptors in people.  Maybe not exactly that, but there is definitely something in living with the four seasons.  There is something therapeutic in watching the weather change and spending the winter indoors with your family.  I think families must be closer when they spend more time together indoors.  I think their relationships must be better too.  There is something great about watching a movie, listening to music, cooking and dancing by a roaring fire with your closest family while evading the terrible weather outside.  You don’t get that when every day is groundhog day.

Well, enough of that.  During the strenuous task of not reading or writing or working, I’ve been watching movies over the past two weeks.  I saw “Here Comes the Boom” with Doug Heffernan, er, I mean Kevin James.  It was a good movie with a common storyline that delivered well with the UFC backdrop.  It was funny and entertaining, and it tugged at the heart strings when things finally worked out in the end.  Hooking up with Salma Hayek though?  Puleeze.  And how Doug pulled a girl as hot as Carrie (Leah Remini) in King of Queens still boggles my mind, but it’s all good.  More power to you Doug!

I also saw Dark Shadows.  I know I’m late on all of these, but having a new kid will do that to you, so cut me some slack, jack, will ya? lol.  Dark Shadows was totally awesome.  It was funny, interesting, fresh, and deep.  Johnny Depp is easily one of my favorite actors.  And whoever the witchey woman was, she was hot in a dark, crazy way.  While it was no surprise that Tim Burton had his hands all over this, I was surprised that Graham King produced it too.  Graham just knows how to make movies.  It is my dream to work with him someday.  A guy’s gotta have a dream, right?  Haha, that looks fem on paper.

I also saw Anchorman II.  This movie was off the chain funny, I mean it was sofa king funny I had three laugh attacks in the theatre.  Who says that when you reach the big time, you “shit standing up”?  Jack Lame does, that’s who.  I lost it on that line, I truly lost it and almost had to leave the theatre, but I hung in there.  The movie not only didn’t disappoint, but it far surpassed Anchorman I, in my opinion.  Anchorman I pretty much falls apart after Ron Burgundy gets fired and leaves the station, but this movie never does that.  Anyways, I have made plans to go see it again, and I won’t say anymore now to avoid giving away the plot.  That’s been my two weeks on vacation.  Now it’s back to the grind.  Smell ya later!