Pumps is Out

Pumps is out.  I officially released my next book, Pumps, on Amazon today.  I also pushed it out to most other e-book retailers, but it takes a few more days to show up to retailers like Apple or Barnes n Noble and the others.  The release of this book happens to coincide with the anniversary of the passing of Phoebe, our beloved Shih Tzu.  That makes it extra special.  She was a big inspiration in giving me the drive to write this book.  It’s not about her, but the sadness and emptiness I felt over her passing fueled me in a big way. 

It still hurts that she is gone, just the same as it did a year ago.  I can break down into tears if I start thinking of the sadness, but I purposely try to only remember the happy stuff.  Thankfully, our daughter helps too, by keeping us so full of love.  It has been a strange year, on one side so vastly filled with the pain of sorrow, yet also so filled by the love of our little one.  It is one way that we have found some balance in our hearts.  It feels like that, anyway.

To celebrate Phoebe’s life, we will be taking her box of ashes with us to the drive-ins.  It was her favorite thing to do with us.  I will drive with the window open so she can feel the cool scent-infused air blow through her fine Shih Tzu hair.  I will imagine it so, and so it will be, in my mind, because I really know that she is playing in her meadow, chasing butterflies, keeping God company.  God loves a Shih Tzu, or else She would not have made them so amazing.

Back to Pumps.  As I’ve mentioned before, this is my best work yet.  I’m very pleased that it turned out the way it did, and I’m very surprised that I had all that stuff inside my heart and mind.  During the self-editing I continuously found myself surprised, which kinda seems stupid because I’m basically saying that I entertain myself.  It doesn’t make sense, but it is true.

Either way, this book is for the ladies, whereas LA Ninja was definitely for the fellas.  Of course, I truly think there are plenty of guys and gals that would take interest in both of these starkly different stories.  I’m curious about that, so I guess we’ll see what happens.

I wanted to mention, lastly, that I’m about to announce to all my facebook friends that I’ve been writing books.  They have no idea about it.  Not for any particular reason, it just never came up.  It really just started off as an experiment and an exercise in some kind of self-therapy, which then ballooned into a full-fledged effort to publish full length novels.  I guess sometimes you never really know what’s hiding deep down inside you.  It can take a lifetime to find for some.  So to all of those that have yet to find that something special within themselves, whether that’s putting lipstick on from your cleavage, or being able to sing like Harold Melvin, keep searching!

LA Ninja: Revised

As Eminem once said, in real life there is no Mekhi Phifer.  For me, in self-publishing, as it turns out, there is also no Mekhi Phifer, and also no team of editors and publishers.  Personally, I am still a bit conflicted as to how I really feel about that.  It would be nice to have the backing of a publisher, editor, and agent.  I know my work would probably come off more polished, maybe.  Money and notoriety would be nice too, without doubt.  On the other hand though, if my goal were to reach as many readers as possible and find a genuine audience, then it wouldn’t matter if I had the backing of the industry big dogs.  My fan base would be there and they would be all that I need.  Yeah, I’d be pretty happy with that. 

As I’ve said before, my dream would be to see LA Ninja as a movie.  I think it would be awesome!  So that’s my dream, everybody’s got one, right?  I guess deep inside, when it comes down to it, I just hope that people like LA Ninja, and soon, Pumps.  Now that I think about it, I guess I’d just be happy if people didn’t think my work was just complete shit.  However, If people turned out to think my stories were worth dogshit, then I guess I could deal with it.  It would be heartbreaking, but I could deal with it and move on.  That reminds me, Rule of Self: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

By the way, Pumps has so far turned out to be my best work, in my opinion.  And I’m not trying to be arrogant or overconfident, I am just really proud that I was able to turn a story like that out.  It is totally different from LA Ninja, like big time, but it’s cool.  Not so sure the same audience from LA Ninja is going to like it, but I’m trying to see how much versatility there is inside me.  I also have some other projects in the works that will take me yet in another direction, but I’m not even close to working those ones yet.  I’ve started LA Ninja II: Rise of the Cartel, so that one will be coming out next.

Anyways, after that divergence into left field, the reason I’m writing this puff piece is not to bitch about not being backed by publishers.  Instead, after taking such a big step back from LA Ninja to work on Pumps, I decided to go back to it and give it a read, mostly so I could start LA Ninja II with the first story fresh in my mind.  What I found was appalling.  The beginning chapters flowed slow like molasses.  There were tons of typos and grammatical errors, and lastly, the story was missing one special ingredient that I have since added to my writing repertoire.  So, I got to work on a revision right away.  This is the pitfall of not having an editor.

Not to dwell too long on the matter, I revised LA Ninja and republished it to all e-book publishers.  The final should get to most bookshelves in a day or two.  This, I promise, will be the final.  I’m apologize to my readers for making any changes, which, trust me, the story is unchanged except for one minor addition to the honeymoon scene.  The rest of the changes were done to speed the flow of the story in the first few chapters, cut out some fluff, and fix the shitload of typos that I found. 

Interestingly, I was surprised to see how far I have come and matured as a writer.  I was embarrassed for the beginning of LA Ninja.  The writing seemed so, shall we say, juvenile?  I wonder if I will come back yet again and find what I’m writing now to be juvenile too?  Maybe.  I suppose that is how it goes though. 

Anyhow, I’m trying to get the artwork completed for Pumps.  I think I can have that book up and published by mid-August, which would be great.  I can’t wait to see what everyone thinks of it.  I have a few friends reviewing it now, and they absolutely love it, so I’m pretty excited about it.  In the meantime, LA Ninja II is progressing well.  Things in that story have become super complicated, in a good way.  I’m pretty excited at the direction it’s moving in.  Maybe I can have the first draft done by Christmas. 

It’s funny to think about where I’ve gone with this whole writing thing.  I know when I started this blog, I really thought I would get further with the publishing people.  I thought, at least, that I would get the chance to send in sample pages or a manuscript here or there.  Since, however, none of that ever happened, I just kept moving forward by myself.  I didn’t think that I’d take it this far, not on my own.  I think it’s pretty cool.  I’m out here in the world now, aren’t I?  (he smiles to himself) –signing off, Adrian

Missing in Action

I’ve been away for awhile, finishing up my novel, titled, “Pumps”.  Not like anyone cares or notices (I have no regular readers or visitors but I pretend I do – haha).  That’s why I haven’t posted in awhile though, because I’ve been feverishly working on my novel, but now it seems like I’m back.  I’ve always said, when you’re in the zone, you gotta zero in and take advantage.  I was definitely in the zone.

So L.A. Ninja is still doing pretty well as far as I’m concerned.  Although I have always hoped that many people would read it and enjoy the story as I do, it is not really turning out that way.  I guess I have mixed feelings about it.  I try to remain happy that I have sold any copies at all, and the three reviews that I did get so far are freaking awesome, so I have to be psyched about that.  Right?  Ok, I’m cool now, did you enjoy going on that quick emotional breakdown with me?  My head is a scary place to be, lol.

Interestingly, after talking with some distant (distant as in they live in New Jersey and were here to visit) friends over dinner the past weekend, the topic of my novel writing came up, so of course, I told them about L.A. Ninja.  Surprise and shock is the usual reaction I get, and they did not fail me there.  We did also discuss the fact that I never tell people that I know that I am a writer.  It’s funny really, from a psychological perspective, on why I never tell anyone about it.  It should seem so obvious that I would immediately tell everyone I know about this this thing that I’m so passionate about, yet only a few people know about it.  You’d think that I’d announce it to the world, right? 

But I don’t.  I don’t have a good reason, either.  I think I’m a bit modest and even a little shy about it.  I think it feels strange to just blurt it out to people too.  It never seems natural, like when I’m in the moment.  Then, also, I don’t want them to feel obligated to go buy it.  I wonder now, as I’m writing this, do artists and singers do the same thing?  Like, if I could sing, would I announce it to my friends?  Would I start belting out Vicente Fernandez songs out of the blue?  Would I do it while we’re standing in line at Starbucks?  I wonder.  I guess that’s why I was never a good salesman, lol.

I digress, however.  I do have something that I’m very proud of, and that is the first review that I’ve ever gotten.  It was written by a reader on Amazon.com:

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent story! February 17, 2013

By Eli Lehrmann

Format:Kindle Edition

“Kept me at the edge of my seat the whole time. Excellent narrative, characters and plot twists. Can't wait for the next one.”

Are you kidding me!?  That was awesome!  And I’m so glad that the review was a good one, in fact the best, with 5/5 stars.  I was so nervous that the review was going to be bad, or that it was going to trash my work.  There is this anxious fear I have that I will face utter rejection from readers that invest time in my book.  (Maybe that’s why I don’t tell my friends??)  So far, though (knocking on wood) the three reviews are good.  Thanks to Eli, and the others.  I owe you guys a beer, or soda, or tea, or whatever you prefer to drink.  I’m glad I didn’t let you down.

Now, onto Pumps.  Pumps represents a huge divergence from L.A. Ninja.  First off, it’s a book about a woman trying to find herself.  You can’t get further away from LA Ninja than that.  I think it’s interesting because this woman, Alexis, has been a very complicated character for me to write.  At least with Gabe, he was very focused and motivated, which made him easier to write.  Alexis though, is emotional and complicated.  I was hardly ever sure what she would do next, whereas with Gabe (protagonist –LA Ninja for those who don’t know) I pretty much knew what he would do at every turn. 

The other difficult piece was the process of Alexis finding herself.  I guess it can be hard for someone –anyone- to find themselves, that is, find their true purpose in life.  It involves someone getting to know their true self, and becoming clear about what they want out of life.  It rarely happens easily, in my experience.  It can happen through trauma in some cases, or through trial and error.  It can happen as easily as having an epiphany in a dream.  Usually though, it happens to many of us as we experience life and get older, finally narrowing down what we like and dislike in life, and what like to spend our time doing the most.  If you can answer those questions, you most likely are already focused on finding true happiness, whatever that may mean to you.

That has been the hard task for someone like Alexis.  She is in her late twenties, smart, sophisticated, strong, and determined.  She has a great career in the fashion industry, and just when she thinks she has life all figured out, life shows up to begin unraveling a destiny that she never saw coming.  The truth is, the story is a fantasized version of what I think my wife’s life could have been if she hadn’t married me. I promised her that I would write this one next, and I finally have.  

I am still working the final edits, but the story is done.  I will be publishing it soon to Amazon and other e-book retailers, same as LA Ninja.  Maybe I can earn some new readers with this one.  I hope so.

Baby Update

So the past year was the craziest year of my life.  From the tragic passing of my best friend to the birth of my daughter- and everything in between, I am still left stunned.  Here I am though.  It’s 2013.  The depth of pain and joy from the past year is still spilling over, and I’m sure it won’t ever cease to affect me, but at least it is getting easier. 

Things that encompass all life seem calmer.  Some things don’t seem as important, like my book writing, for example.  I am grateful for the success so far of L.A. Ninja.  I have sold somewhere approaching 100 copies, with only one review, but it’s a good one of 5/5 stars.  I should be overjoyed based on the high level of internal importance that I had placed on writing and publishing it, but I’m not.  I’m happy, but it just seems less important.  I suppose that life has a way of putting things in the proper perspective.  I guess I should know that from my own characters, but I admit- it gets away from me sometimes.

Speaking of which, my little girl is amazing.  I purposely try to avoid being that parent that sings high praise about their little one, even with all evidence to the contrary.  However, I am unable to do so, so it seems.  She is so much more than I had hoped for.  She is healthy, vibrant, passionate and intelligent.  She is physically large, to my surprise, as neither my wife nor I are tall, and she is more advanced than most of her peers.

She was walking at ten months of age, and now at eleven months is able to make short bursts of runs.  She says some words, including “dada” and “Adrian”, and she has a thirst for everything that is the life around her.  She giggles and has had her first laugh attack.  She loves dogs and all things animal.  She loves the zoo.  She is stubborn, temperamental, and so far, refuses to take shit from anyone.  I admit that she probably gets more of that from her mother than me, but that is ok. 

Speaking of which, my wife amazes me too.  I have told her so, but I sometimes think that we both lose sight of it.  So I will write it down here.  I think she has far exceeded the already high hopes that I had for her as the mother of my children.  She has shown patience, love and admiration, and strength with our babygirl.  She has impressed me further with her research and educated approach to raising her, for which I am often times left in the dark due to my own ignorance on the subject.  I think though, for my part, the result provides the ability to strike an even balance in raising her.  Either way, I am so appreciative in the passion and energy that she has shown in raising our daughter.

Anyhow, it can sometimes be difficult when two parents must find agreement in the everyday decisions to raise a young one.  The key though is communicating- as we always do, and sometimes having the trust and courage to make concessions.  It works both ways.  We are making it though, and I am happy with what I see in my little girl.  It will be her first birthday at the end of this week.  Happy birthday, Munkiepants.  I love you like crazy! -Daddy